I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Randomize
