Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I smell like Dick and happiness
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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