I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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