you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
