I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
