i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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