She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
