Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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