Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
