Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
