Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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