So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize