i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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