don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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