why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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