I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The dick lei will go down in squad history
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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