drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
