Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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