I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
