no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize