sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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