He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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