They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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