Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
bring money and cleavage
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
