Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
