just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just pee around me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
