I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's shark week go big or go home
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
