Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
