i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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