peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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