he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
