yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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