I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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