Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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