we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
