I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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