me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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