Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
