I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
