Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
