Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
