And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It all started with a game of naked twister.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
