u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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