how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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