your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
