i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
