Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
