I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
