i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
they call him Oral-B. enough said
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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