tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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