ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
