Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
