mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
