when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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