I should be sponsored by Trojan
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
