I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
