Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my being single is dangerous.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
