I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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