My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
