You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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