Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i drank out of a bidet.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
