three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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