watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
