I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize