I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
