I am puke
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
