the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
