Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
