We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
