I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
