I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
