Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
