we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Vodka?
Forever.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
