HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
